![]() They’ll help you realise that there might have been more going on than you first thought. Think of your child’s most recent tantrum and then consider the following points. In those moments – they just don’t have the reserves required to expend energy on keeping it together. Which is one reason that tantrums increase, in both frequency and severity, when toddlers are tired or hungry. We often don’t recognize that our toddlers are working so hard, in an ongoing and nearly constant way, to have a tantrum, and that this task alone takes an extraordinary level of energy, effort, and skill. Plus, it’s kind of relieving some of the stress off of your shoulders when you just let your child calm herself down. If you let them cry and have a meltdown, they will learn how to cope with it themselves. So when they become very emotional, they have a hard time calming themselves down. In reality, this capacity only begins to develop when children are between three and a half and four years old, and it takes several more years for to master it. Toddlers need to learn how to regulate their own emotions. Our expectations for toddlers’ capacity for self-control are typically far too high: a study found 42 per cent of parents believe that children can regulate their emotions by age two. And these abilities exist in several areas of the brain that undergo a period of rapid development in the first few years of life. The ability to have a tantrum necessitates neural circuitry that is quite complex, for children to be able to perceive the world around them, regulate their emotions, communicate and use language, problem-solve, exercise judgment and make decisions. Brains are built from the bottom up, with simpler pathways – hearing and vision, for example – developing first, followed by those of increasing complexity. In fact, it’s perfectly normal for your toddler to have a meltdown, and it can present itself in the form of crying, screaming, running away, or even hitting and kicking. ![]() ![]() Even more, trying to prevent a meltdown or tantrum is likely out of your control. But young brains are wired in such a way that tantrums make perfect sense, and are actually a sign of healthy development. Especially for toddlers, emotional meltdowns are inevitable. They’re concerned there really is something wrong. I’ve had parents ask me, sincerely, if I am absolutely certain that their toddler is not a psychopath. ![]()
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